I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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