Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
how can u be prego again
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
