dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
