Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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