he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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