I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
