i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
