isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
