Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize