Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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