So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We left an ass print on the piano.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
