Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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