Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You ruined the universe
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