Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.

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  (805): My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping. http://tfl.nu/dvm6
  Replies (10) Good night (781) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Anal.

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  (615): I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people. (1-615): Anal. http://tfl.nu/eagl
  Replies (23) Good night (3410) Bad night (853)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."

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  (586): I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope." http://tfl.nu/2m2o
  Replies (36) Good night (770) Bad night (3723)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  NEVER shave your cleavage hair.

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  (804): NEVER shave your cleavage hair. http://tfl.nu/pogh
  Replies (87) Good night (603) Bad night (9574)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.

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  (435): it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush. http://tfl.nu/c95w
  Replies (36) Good night (1348) Bad night (5319)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck

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  (610): getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck http://tfl.nu/662u
  Replies (4) Good night (736) Bad night (2454)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.

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  (352): Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american. http://tfl.nu/kvmq
  Replies (11) Good night (1814) Bad night (770)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone

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  (336): I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone http://tfl.nu/escl
  Replies (6) Good night (1250) Bad night (940)
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  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.

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  (+31): I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates. http://tfl.nu/urqj
  Replies (3) Good night (2328) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?

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  (971): Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics? http://tfl.nu/fki4
  Replies (9) Good night (1319) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.

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  (208): I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single? (1-208): Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well. http://tfl.nu/96dv
  Replies (10) Good night (1585) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.

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  (402): I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off. http://tfl.nu/dyhi
  Replies (2) Good night (1028) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage

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  (716): You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage http://tfl.nu/tfgj
  Replies (3) Good night (502) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.

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  (506): Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres. http://tfl.nu/tq3r
  Replies (2) Good night (272) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.

  (682): View more from Texas

  Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"

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  (817): On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem. (682): Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?" http://tfl.nu/7dka
  Replies (4) Good night (426) Bad night (280)

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