is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete