i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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