It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Randomize
