I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i think i scared a bird with my dick
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.