take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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