Texts From Last Night

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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.

  (951): View more from California

  sound pretty economical

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  (434): Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood. (951): sound pretty economical http://tfl.nu/xtyc
  Replies (11) Good night (3174) Bad night (689)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think I took your hangover as a birthday present

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  (740): I think I took your hangover as a birthday present http://tfl.nu/q2lj
  Replies (5) Good night (2113) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.

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  (561): Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade. http://tfl.nu/fybc
  Replies (77) Good night (791) Bad night (7468)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm

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  (440): One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm http://tfl.nu/xdgb
  Replies (16) Good night (5738) Bad night (749)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project

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  (440): i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project http://tfl.nu/w3av
  Replies (12) Good night (4453) Bad night (1091)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  So....maintenance found the bullethole.....

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  (512): So....maintenance found the bullethole..... http://tfl.nu/54el
  Replies (22) Good night (5505) Bad night (2510)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often

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  (416): The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often http://tfl.nu/ivea
  Replies (7) Good night (2305) Bad night (780)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?

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  (469): Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened? http://tfl.nu/ksd8
  Replies (12) Good night (779) Bad night (1958)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.

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  (314): You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you. http://tfl.nu/pksa
  Replies (6) Good night (4920) Bad night (874)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like my freshman wet dream come true

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  (412): it's like my freshman wet dream come true http://tfl.nu/8b08
  Replies (3) Good night (1069) Bad night (492)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....

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  (317): I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it.... http://tfl.nu/0a1o
  Replies (8) Good night (1689) Bad night (549)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs

  (602): View more from Arizona

  My work here is done

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  (520): I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs (602): My work here is done http://tfl.nu/ashb
  Replies (2) Good night (924) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?

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  (580): Why is there a muffler in the livingroom? (405): First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance? http://tfl.nu/9zfd
  Replies (3) Good night (671) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well

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  (724): I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well http://tfl.nu/bhyq
  Replies (3) Good night (621) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience

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  (720): Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience http://tfl.nu/i350
  Replies (1) Good night (387) Bad night (161)

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