Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?