that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
