Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.