If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.