I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms