Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
