nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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