i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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