This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
