i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
