Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
