were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
