My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
