i barfeds in our rink
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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