Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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