A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
