The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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