Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
