you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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