So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
