I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
