her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
