I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
