I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
