He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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