dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
