WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
