Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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