I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
