My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
