She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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