i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's always time for handjobs
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
