Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
