I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
