Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
