I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
