in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
