I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
