he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
