I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
