Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
