I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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