Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
