I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
