so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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