my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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