i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
how do you play pong handcuffed?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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