Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
