we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
