When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
