it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
