just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
