I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
