If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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