Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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