your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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