i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
