I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
