omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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