We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
