Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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