no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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