Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
