Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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