she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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