(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
