If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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