i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Randomize
