One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
