I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
