Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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