Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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