margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
