dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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