He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
