The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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