So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
